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Shhhh…

Who would have thought I’d be here, trapped between two mountains in a boat meant for just my husband and me?

Shhhh…

To my left is my husband, to my right is my lover—neither knows they share the boat with a deceiver.

Shhhh…

How did I let myself drift into this mess? How can I escape these waves that drown me in passion and ecstasy? Every pull drags me deeper, yet my honor fights to rise, gasping for the breath of confession, of honesty.

Shhhh…

Dreams won’t keep me content; reality won’t keep me sated. I crave both. But I can’t go on like this—deception gnaws at my soul. There are moments when I bite my tongue, nearly calling my husband by another’s name, and my lover by his. It’s a game of slipping masks, and I am the only one to blame. Pathetic.

Shhhh…

Yes, I signed my name on this marriage certificate, but I should’ve cut the price tag before stepping into this house called marriage. It’s an expensive bag stuffed with forbidden treats. I planned to use him for one night and return him before the receipt expired. But I’ve invested too much to throw him away or see my “bag” in another woman’s arms.

Shhhh…

My husband stirs beside me; today marks our first anniversary. He plans to spoil me at a restaurant of my choice, showering me with the devotion any real husband would show his wife. He’s good to me, always loyal—a high school sweetheart and best friend for seven years. How could I? Shame on me.

Shhhh…

There’s something inside me. It has no name yet—a seed from an unknown planter, growing. The dam is breaking, and my sins spill forth, no longer containable. Each time I try to climb out of this darkness, lust’s vines grip my ankles, dragging me back. When I look at the fiend holding me down, I recognize her. It’s me.

Shhhh…

My husband begins to stir, his eyes widening as he glances past me. Could he see my lover lying on the other side? Could he see through me, into my mind, my memories? I turn to where my lover should have been, but he’s not there—just a shadow, a figment of my dreams. I look back at my husband and ask,

“What are you looking at?”

“Nothing, Baby. Just thinking how lucky I am to have someone so precious. You’re my dream of dreams, finally come true. Today is our anniversary, the first of many. I promise to love you each day anew, as the sun rises. I love you, babe.”

Decisions, decisions. Questions, questions.

“Babes, I have something to tell you.”

Shhhhhhhhh… (To be continued…)

© Nelly Vee